This is a hard post to write. It’s a huge reality check for me. And while it’s something I’ve reflected on privately and semi-privately, I’m posting about it in the hope that it will drive accountability to myself.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to take one’s own advice, even when you know you’re right. Especially when you know you’re right.
I’m in a rut, admittedly. And I also need and want to get out of it. But I’m a little bit in this vicious cycle that I’m to quick to say that I am powerless to break.
Maybe I am powerless to break the cycle. But I have power. Maybe the power I have can be used in such a way that leads me to something powerful enough to break the cycle.
Power breeds power. Positive breeds positive. Momentum drives momentum. Right now, even though I know it’s bad, I’m letting negative momentum overrun my life.
It’s impacting my psyche, my relationships, my uptime, my downtime. As it permeates everything and I am deep in reflecting on gratitude, as Thanksgiving approaches, it hits me that I can’t be enveloped in negativity and overflowing with gratitude all at once.
That realization has been my eureka moment, a moment that has persisted, a persistence that leads me to remember that I am responsible for myself, accountable to myself, and that change starts with me, and it starts now.
There’s a lot of self-help and self-worth material published and readily available on Facebook, Twitter, etc. The headlines alone are enough to snap me back into reality, the place where I have power, a power to choose, a power to be better and stronger.
Yes, there is a lot about my life that I can’t change. For one, I can’t give myself a job. Or maybe I can. But the fact that statistics show the labor market isn’t in my favor doesn’t mean I should count myself out. I need to stay focused, keep pushing…through the rejection, through the disappointment, through the frustration of no response…it would be easy to roll over, and it’s easy to gravitate toward easy.
But life isn’t about easy, I’m not about easy, and happiness doesn’t always come easy. But I have a choice, and I am choosing me. To work hard, to be happy, to be good, to do good.
Sometimes, no matter what our external cues tell us, it takes a little more time to hear our internal cues. And today, I’m shouting at myself. I’m giving myself a pep talk. I’m here to pump me up.
Feeling blue? Small? Powerless?
Be there for yourself. Pump yourself up. You’re worth it.
Go. Start. Now.
Me? I feel better already.