Road Warrior: Greetings From the Holiday Inn, Virginia Beach


So this week finds the start of my busy season for work travel.  Yesterday and two of the next three Sundays found/will find me traveling far and wide to various fire/safety events.  It’s glamorous, high flying business travel…especially when you work for a non-profit.  And now with the TSA hysteria about long lines and needing to get to the airport three hours before wheels up…oy…and don’t get me started on Global Entry…I applied in late April, paid my $100…and can get an interview at the end of August.  Super helpful.

In any case, I suppose the upside to being three hours early for my flight is that it affords me the opportunity to make inane airport/travel observations. Namely (in the order they were observed; any relative importance is coincidental):

1. All airport food must come from the same shitty kitchen. Never knew you could screw hummus up so bad.

2. Beer should be sold at a sliding scale relative to how early you are for your flight. I should be getting these $9 big boys for $4.50.

3. The guy in the winter coat is giving me pause…see something say something, right? But what am I supposed to say? Too warm for that coat? Please frisk him?

4. Out of towners call it “Samuel Adams Boston Lager.” Locals just call it “a Sam.”
5. Who the f-ck orders vodka and Diet Coke?

6. Fruit flies with no fruit in sight are always cause for concern.

7. “How to change the tv channel” should be lesson #1 in new bartender training school. And if you’re gonna make me watch sh-tty sports can you at least upgrade to HD? It’s 2016 after all.

8. Time’s up on the faux hipster short hair lumberjack beard look. If it was ever even in.

9. Our parents cautioned us not to talk to strangers for a reason.

10. People hear what you talk about publicly; don’t inadvertently humiliate yourself making private talk public. And if you don’t give a crap, please don’t put me through it.

11. Where else would you overhear “hey Moe can you get me a sample of the shahdinnay?”

12. What’s up with the lady who has a seat in the last row, literally, who opens literally every overhead door looking for an opening for her oversized carry on until the flight attendant makes her stop?

13.  Why would an Uber driver keep asking a passenger he just picked up at an airport how to get to her hotel?