Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes, To Face the Just

Big day in the USA on Friday, when SCOTUS validated the existence of a big segment of its population.  I actually don’t have a lot to say about the issue, other than if more people would support love, the world would be a happier and healthier place.

If you don’t believe in gay marriage, you’ll probably never be invited to a gay wedding, so no worries there.  If somehow gay marriage offends you, remember that your narrow-mindedness and bigotry is probably equally offensive to others.  If you’re God-fearing, revisit the Bible.  And if you’re fixated on the Constituion, well, who knows what the Founding Fathers did behind closed doors.

At the end of the day, none of us should begrudge anyone else love and happiness and inner peace.

Emotional Aftershocks

As I’ve noted, I’m not a huge fan of looking in the rearview.  Serves no purpose, gives me a bitch of a stiff neck, and completely distracts me from enjoying the present and thinking hopefully about the future.

Sometimes, though, things don’t live in the rearview, and if you’re not careful, they will sneak up and overtake you.  So what’s a girl to do?  I don’t know, but it happened to me this week and thus I have a few thoughts that I want to share.

This was my first Father’s Day without a real-live dad.  It was also my mom’s birthday.  I also needed to be in Chicago for work.  So I did what felt right at the time and decided to go early, on Saturday, so I could have some fun with college friends before work started and so I could distract myself.

Right.  I had fun, but more “fun” than fun.  I couldn’t shake the low-level feeling of sadness, mainly because it was palpable.  Loss sometimes has a weight, and it can be seen in the stooping of my shoulders and the drooping of the corners of my mouth…

I woke up Sunday morning and the tears just came.  I let them flow, took a deep breath, showered, and decided to muscle through.  I called my mom and tried to put a smile in my voice as I wished her happy birthday in one sentence and acknowledged the sharp pain of missing Dad in the next.  All in all it was a hard day.  

And now it’s over.

Life goes on.

So not that there weren’t moments of sadness over dad or guilt over running away and “abandoning” my mom on a day that was doubly hard for here, but it’s done now.  And here I am at the airport, waiting for my flight, and anxious to get back home and face my life and my house and my mom and my family and my girlfriend and my still-green pool.

I’m not sure I’m in the clear and that there still won’t be reverberations from the Father’s Day tremors…but I’ll try to keep the past in the rearview so that I can be present in my todays and preserve hope for the future.

We’ll always have hope, and we’ll always have love.

L’chaim

To life.  Indeed.

It’s been way too long since I’ve checked in here.  I committed to being here, and I haven’t been.  Not without good reason.  Life has gotten in the way, or–more appropriately–living it has.

This post does not come apropos of nothing, but it will be delivered apropos of nothing that will be specifically apparent.  And that has to be ok.

Bottom line is I just had pizza and some beers with one of my oldest and most cherished friends.  And for a host of reasons, good and bad, I’m reminded of the basics.  Love as much and as hard and as often as you can.  Take time for what matters.  Make time for the people you care about.  Be present.  Smile.  Say what you feel, especially the good things.

I haven’t been here, not because I’ve been so busy in my life, but more because I have been so present in it.  I’m not along for the ride.  Maybe I used to be, but not anymore.  I’m all in.  I have a great job.  An amazing family.  Someone who loves me more than I’ll ever deserve.  I have all the creature comforts that matter.  I have a business trip next week that I’m starting a day early to spend time with college friends I met when I was 18.  I’m surrounded by strength and commitment and passionate and dedication and love.

I have and I am in the midst of everything that matters.  I have been here and I have known it and I have loved it.  But today reminds me that one can never be present and knowing and loving enough.

So go, now, and take the extra step.  When you think you’re all in, find a spot and go deeper.  Be there.  It matters.  And so do you.